Following yesterday’s blog post, ‘Stripping: The Naked Truth’, our anonymous writer answers your questions about her experiences working as a stripper.
Image from Tumblr
Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Yes, absolutely. I’ve always been a feminist and it’s something I believe in whole heartedly. I think a lot of feminists are uncomfortable with the idea of stripping – it’s not easy territory to navigate. Is it powerful to own your sexuality and use it to your advantage? Or is it an archaic activity that puts the women’s movement back several decades? I’m afraid I don’t have the answer to that one. But yes, I am absolutely a feminist.
Do you feel like you were paid enough? It doesn’t seem worth it.
Yes and no. Dances are worked on a sliding scale. The cheapest dance was £100 and that was only a 20 minute one in a non-private room, and you’d only get £50 of that. But on a good night you’re earning upwards of £100 an hour, which can be very lucrative. The private rooms are much more expensive (upwards of £1000 for an hour). At the end of the night you can be holding £50 or £500 or even £1,000 – the good nights feel worth it. The bad nights don’t. You just have to be careful not to tie your own self worth up in the money you’re making. That’s one of the real challenges.
Didn’t stripping make you feel dirty or ashamed?
No, it didn’t. I enjoyed it some of the time. Some of the weirder customers would say things that might be a bit… off. But you’re playing a part, much like an actor. You just switch off. Which is why I almost pity the men who go to the clubs. The women dancing for them are running through the next day’s shopping list in their head while they writhe and moan. It’s completely artificial.
Does it annoy you that strippers are reviled and burlesque dancers are celebrated?
It doesn’t annoy me exactly. Burlesque is certainly more tasteful and more artfully done, but it’s the same principle. You’re still trading on your naked body. It’s just less… visceral. It’s arguably something of a double standard. Naked dancing is ok if you camp it up and wear red lipstick, but it’s not ok if you’re in a barely there evening gown? There’s no doubt that people are more comfortable with burlesque, but I don’t think a woman should be looked down on because she chooses one side of the coin and not the other. Burlesque is a perhaps a more respected option because it’s more about the tease than the cheap thrill of a naked woman in your lap.
Was it 100% dancing, no time-filler chat? Did men feel bored/tired/spent/awkward during a 1hr private dance?
Well if it was an hour then you’d usually try and draw out the small talk bit at the beginning. Men are funny – they ask you all these questions about your life as if they expect honest answers. But all the customers were different – some didn’t want you to dance at all and would just hug you. Others would just want to talk to you while holding your hand. Sometimes you’d feel more like a therapist. A therapist with their breasts hanging out. Some guys would even ask you to keep your clothes on. But for the most part, it would be 10 mins of talking, then you’d be doing the lap dance for 50 mins. But the lap dancing isn’t all aerobic all the time (though it is quite tiring). You’re mostly straddling them and waving your boobs in their face. When I got tired I would lie across them and they loved it. Where I worked, they could touch everything apart from your actual crotch. They were usually pretty happy for you to take a break as long as they were touching you.
Did you ever feel sick doing it?
Yes, sometimes.
Do all the strippers get along?
It’s like any group of women. There are friendships and rivalries. But for the most part, the women I knew were all very friendly with each other. You’d know you’d made a friend if they told you their real name. The rest of us just called each other by our stage names.
Were you ever offered paid-for sex? And if so, were you tempted? Is there really much of difference between stripping and prostitution?
Yes, you quite often get propositioned for sex. It’s understandable when you’re in the sex industry. But no, I was never even remotely tempted. It’s one thing to entertain someone else’s fantasy – but as a personal choice, I wouldn’t have wanted to sleep with any of the clients. Most of them were just sort of sad. And while I would never judge a woman for being a prostitute, it’s not something I have ever considered. I feel some things should be left sacred.
What was your worst moment as a stripper?
The hardest part of the act is pretending you’re really into someone who’s a complete turn off. The upstairs rooms where the dances took place all smelt of sweat and sex, so stripping can be a really ugly business when you’ve got a nightmare client. The most demoralising part of stripping is when you’re chatting someone up and they don’t want to buy a dance. But the one moment where I really thought ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ was during the middle song of a stage dance. I was dancing on my own at the beginning of the night, so the club was still pretty empty. ‘My Neck My Back’ came on and I was attempting to dance sexily while a man rubbed his crotch at me 10 feet away. I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. It was that moment when I knew I had to quit.
Why did you quit?
I quit because I didn’t need to do it anymore. I never saw it as a career – it was a way of getting some quick cash. I think it can be dangerous to stay in the business in the long term. Some of the girls were quite damaged by it. You have to be careful with it.
Was stripping really your last alternative? You couldn’t have gotten a job in McDonalds?
Yes, at the time it felt like the only light in a really dark storm. I needed cash in hand and I needed it within a couple of days. It was stripping or giving erotic massages to businessmen on Craigslist. But it was also something I wanted to try just to see if I actually could do it. It was like I dared myself into it. But I didn’t do it for very long at all.
If you’re not ashamed of stripping, why post anonymously?
I wrote the post anonymously because stripping is a huge taboo, even for modern, free thinking women. When people find out you’ve been a stripper, they put you in a box marked ‘stripper’, which is synonymous with lots of negative attitudes. You cease to be a woman, a girlfriend, a wife, a mother – you’re just a stripper. Stripping is a job – it’s not who you are. A couple of my close friends know about it and they don’t judge me. But I suspect most of my friends wouldn’t be able to look at me the same way again.
Would you ever encourage someone to try stripping?
I wouldn’t outwardly recommend it, no. I don’t regret it, but it’s definitely made an impact on me, in both positive and negative ways. But as with all experiences, you really have to try these things to know how you’re going to feel about them. But would I tell someone to become a stripper? No, I wouldn’t.
Did you ever get turned on by a customer?
I would be lying if I said no.
What’s the biggest myth about stripping?
That all strippers are gorgeous, skinny blondes with daddy issues. I’m not gorgeous, skinny or blonde and I sure as hell don’t have daddy issues. The girls I worked with are all attractive in their own way, but most of them don’t look much like Heidi Klum or Miranda Kerr. A big part of being sexy is confidence – I’ve seen size 18 girls take to the pole and go home with more money than God. They’re just people. Women. They also own onesies, eat whole pots of Ben and Jerrys, and know Bridget Jones off by heart.
Any final words on the subject?
Just wanted to say thank you to the people who’ve shared the blog. Ashley passed on some wonderful compliments that came my way and I really appreciate the kind words and support.
If you have a story you would like to share anonymously, please email anonawot@gmail.com or DM me on Twitter for the anon account log in details. Thank you.
